Someone's got it bad.
No, l don't.
lt was just a summer thing.
So why are you travelling 5000 miles to see him?
lt's not to see him.
l'm here just like the rest of you, you know, see Ireland, do shrooms.
Tara, l've known you all my life and l've never even seen you take an aspirin.
People change.
When your dad hears you've changed this much,
he's gonna ground you until you marry a nice Catholic boy.
Yeah, well, maybe he can't tell me what to do here.
You know, l've never done shrooms before.
lt's not gonna fuck me up?
You can't fuck up what's already fucked.
Seriously, dude?
No, nobody's ever died from taking shrooms before.
l mean, they're all natural.
Besides, just imagine what steroids have done to you.
Be nice.
Bet she doesn't even trim.
Lisa.
Shoot.
The element of surprise.
Where's martial arts training there, Bruce Lee?
A momentary distraction caused by sinful thoughts.
Mm-hm. Mm.
l know what distraction.
Well, l got my ''hi-ya.''
Well, l got mine.
Death.
And coma. Pah!
Any sign of that vagabond boyfriend of yours?
He's not my boyfriend.
Yet.
Are you sure you don't mind us tagging along?
No. Jake and Troy have been planning this forever.
So where is he, then?
Maybe his horse and cart broke down.
Troy, you were in college too. How many classes
do you remember him being on time for?
One. That's chemistry.
Dude, you need your ride pimped.
Hey, hey, hey. Hey, what's up, brother?
Man, you made it. It's good to see you.
lt's good to see you, dude. Hey.
_
Hi. Hi, Lisa.
Hey, honey.
So céad míle fáilte, you Yankee junkie motherfuckers.
MAN: The worst of the bad weather has now passed.
So the story is l promised you gringos the trip of a lifetime.
A shroom trip has to be outdoors,
at one with nature, the right environment with the right people.
Then the trip's real smooth.
No one has the same trip.
You know, some people get spooked, some freak out.
So don't fight it.
You have to get into the trip to get out of it.
So this is a ''fuck it''? Yeah.
Well, in America we have bongs.
Maybe so. Do you have something that's called a ''fuck it''?
What the fuck are you talking about? l don't know, but, hey, fuck it.
Anyway, for our chosen mushrooms,
we'll be concentrating on the liberty cap,
a.k.a. the magic mushroom,
which has been known to give boundless energy,
visual hallucinations,
uncontrollable laughter and profound wisdom.
Look at this. We got Carlos Castaneda sitting in the front seat.
Who? How can you tell
they're the right ones? Yeah.
They can be identified by the little nipples on the caps.
And nothing that looks like a dick with balls, Bluto.
Wait. So how do we take them? We brew the shrooms into a tea.
l don't drink tea.
This really looks like a wiener.
When in Rome...
Are you sure this is a good time to go looking for mushrooms?
No better. We'll have the whole park to ourselves.
Sure looks quiet out there.
Welcome to Ireland.
Do you guys have dogging in America?
What's that?
Finally we get something before you do.
What?
We've got a notorious dogging scene up here.
Okay, what is it?
Well, couples go to remote country areas and make out in their car
and people come and watch them.
And the couple flashes the light in the car three times.
That's the signal for the dogger to come and join in.
He drops trou, out comes the doodah.
They wind down the window, he slips it in.
The girl gives him a happy ending.
Cool. That's vile.
We went to convent school, remember?
l'm there.
l'm ioshing.
Fuck! Yeah, fuck.
That's blood. Come on, let's get out.
Tara, it wasn't your fault.
Jesus. Oh, my gosh.
No, l can't see any dents.
Did you see it? Did you see it get out?
Wait. Shh.
What is it?
It's a fucking goat.
Be careful. Oh, my God.
lt's still alive.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, the poor thing.
Maybe we should take it to a vet and have it humanely destroyed.
Fuck! What the fuck are you doing?
That humane enough for you?
You are evil.
How would you like that done to you?
You guys, at least it's out of its misery.
What do they want?
That's their dinner.
Oh, my God.
What is this, The IsIand of Dr. Moreau?
l think that's what we call the indigenous people.
Cracker motherfuckers! Shut up.
Shut the fuck up. Jesus.
What?
Right, then, first things first. Rule number one, no mobile phones.
Wait. What?
Guys, we're about to trip.
On trips, you hallucinate.
When you hallucinate, you call mum
_
Or you end up calling the police or the ambulance, you know?
Look, in terms of unnecessary embarrassment,
you don't want access to a phone.
Besides, it upsets nature.
Right.
Thank you.
l'm lost without my cell.
That's why we're here, mate.
Man, that's like handing over my freedom.
You can be sheriff, then.
Good man.
Shit.
No tampons.
Wrong.
Thanks, Mom.
Don't worry, l didn't forget about you. Candy.
The way of the tiger perfects the sixth sense.
l will strike every item before it hits the ground.
Okay, l wasn't ready.
So, Holly, you and Troy?
What?
Don't you get freaked out by all that tiger stuff?
No. No, it's different.
lt's part of his martial art.
Yeah. l need more.
_
Yee-ha. Mm.
Yeah, well other thincode(01f5)s work like that too.
Hey, nice girls need to get laid too. That's all l'm saying.
How does that feel?
Nice and tight.
And speaking of tight.
All right already with the guidebook.
Bluto, stop.
Jesus, Lisa. Not here.
We're here to live life, not to read about it.
When my mom left, l was terrified
my dad was gonna send me to a place like that.
l don't know. These guys seem like a lot of fun.
He's ignoring me.
Tara. l shouldn't have come.
You are here with Bluto, Troy is here with Holly.
This is embarrassing.
We iust got here. Just chill out.
For once in your life, let go.
Just take some shrooms and have fun.
Then we'll see what happens with Jake.
You think?
l know.
Okay, l'm in.
Good. Here.
You find them in little clusters.
They can be identified by the little nipples on their caps.
How do you know so much about this stuff?
When l was first sent to boarding school in England,
l used to get the shit kicked out of me most nights.
But this kind of stuff, they think you're cool and you get left alone.
Fuck. They must be in season.
Are they dangerous?
Yeah, like nuclear dangerous.
_
these are the dreaded death's head fungi.
They only grow once every several seasons.
But they look just like the other ones.
Yeah, they're not. So, what if we ate them?
Basically, your heart explodes, along with your lungs and kidneys.
What are the properties?
lf you live?
Yeah, if you live.
Well, according to the ancient Irish Druids,
they believed it was like a portal to another dimension.
They gave the ability to commune with the dead,
uncontrollable ferocity,
shape-shifting, and last but not least, foresight.
The gift of premonition.
Let's go. We'd better warn the others.
Bluto.
No. Bluto.
You've got a girlfriend and l've got Troy, remember?
Come on, Holly.
Just having a little bit of fun, okay? Lisa's being all stingy with me.
No, it's not fun to cheat on your girlfriend.
Yeah, it is.
Wait. What was that?
lt's nothing.
l don't like it here, okay? Let's go find the others.
l was totally kidding. l wouldn't hook up with you.
Tara!
What were you doing far from the madding crowd?
Tara?
Tara, Tara, look at me, Tara.
Fucking hell. Tara!
Calm down, it's okay. Shit.
Oh, fuck. Fuck!
Guys!
Troy!
Oh, Jesus.
Fucking hell.
Look at me. Fuck, you scared the shit out of me.
No, l didn't. Fuck. You okay?
What were you doing? Far from the madding crowd.
l knew you were gonna come.
What? l saw it.
Tara, these are lethal. You could have died.
l saw you.
l saw it.
You need to take it easy for a bit.
You survived, but they're in your system now.
You don't believe me. Sure l do.
Try to stand up.
_
Fucking hell.
l can see things. The future is--
You need to drink a lot of water.
l knew he was gonna save me. Lots of water.
Drink.
But you don't understand. l saw him.
He kissed me. And l knew.
l saw it before.
Sleep.
You'll feel much better when you wake up.
l iust knew before...
Hey, baby.
l heard you guys had a moment.
She already likes you. Now you save her life too.
Look, you know l don't wanna hurt her.
You hurt her, and l will kill you.
_
Tomorrow, guys, we trip hard.
Right. Woo-hoo!
So tell us a ghost story.
Yeah, Jake, tell us about the banshee.
Oh, great idea. Yeah.
Or the evil leprechauns.
_
lt is so scary. Not.
Look, banshees, leprechauns,
_
You know, it's just another tourist trap. No such thing.
There's only one scary story in the world, and you know what that is?
The true story, right?
Because if it's true, you know it can happen to you, right?
So you know where this is going.
What?
Go on.
Well, there's an abandoned house up here,
apparently not too far from where we are now.
lt used to be a young offenders' centre called Glengarriff.
lt was owned by this religious order, kind of like the Christian Brothers.
They were known as the Black Knights of Colmcille.
_
nothing Christian about them.
Most of them ended up here after doing all the missions.
All the hot spots: Sierra Leone, Liberia, the inner Congo, Rwanda.
And God knows what sights they'd seen,
living amongst mass murderers and cannibals, what have you.
No. Stop.
This is just... Baby, baby, l'll protect you. It's cool.
Fine. Go on.
Now, terrible things went on in the house if you didn't abide by their rules.
l mean, they treated the kids like dogs, literally.
lf a kid was bold, it wasn't milk and cookies.
lt was banished to the kennels to live with the guard dogs.
Well, legend had it there was this one Black Brother
who was a complete fucking sadist.
He put a 3-inch steel blade into an old Irish fighting stick
and he beat the kids with it.
He'd take the worst young offenders to the storeroom.
And he'd hang them, claim they committed suicide.
You know, maim others,
cut out the tongue of anyone that dared defy him.
Until this one day...
Well, there were these two young offenders, twins.
You know, they were difficult boys, but close.
They were caught throwing stones at the church.
Well, the Black Brother scalded one's face
and made him wear a sack over his head to hide the burns.
He then proceeded to hang his twin
and forced him to watch his brother swing.
He christened him the Lonely Twin.
Now, this kid, after everything he'd seen,
he had nothing but hate and anger inside of him.
He swore he'd have his revenge.
So he went out and he picked three pounds of death's head shrooms,
and he put them into the Black Brother's soup bowl.
Little did he know.
Well, think about it.
All that sexual repression,
all that good old Catholic guilt and violence unleashed.
And what? Yeah, come on, spit it out.
And 78 people were massacred that night.
Butchered beyond belief.
#
Two bodies were never accounted for.
The Black Brother and the Lonely Twin.
They're said to haunt the woods round here.
Jesus Christ, enough.
l wouldn't blaspheme if l were you.
They took great offence to that. Stop fucking with her, man.
Yeah, and l don't wanna have nightmares.
No, seriously, strange things happen up here around shroom season.
You know, reports of mysterious figures lurking in the woods,
people getting hit by stones that seem to fly out of nowhere.
Some have even gone missing only for their bodies to turn up mutilated,
but always have one thing in common.
The injuries have been inflicted by a 3-inch steel blade.
l don't like this story.
She's right, okay? Shut up.
That's...
Okay.
Great. Thanks for the heart attack in my sleep.
Yeah, thanks, Jake.
So l guess that concludes the story, right?
_
Good night, Tara.
l don't care.
Good night, guys.
Baby, we're not supposed to until tomorrow.
l know, but it's supposed to heighten the sexual experience tenfold.
Hm. Mm.
lnteresting.
Shit.
What? What?
There's someone there.
Oh, baby, there's nobody there.
lt's the shrooms.
No, there was.
That motherfucker!
No, Troy, don't go out there.
Bluto, get the fuck out here!
You peeping Tom motherfucker. l know you were outside my tent, man.
No, but you're outside mine.
Do you see the steroids, you fucking testosterone head?
Look what they do to you. You're pathetic.
_
You're gonna get hurt. No, no, no. It's okay.
l know martial arts. It's okay.
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
Shit. Sorry.
You broke my fucking nose. Fuck you! Fuck!
Troy, are you okay? You don't hit people in the face.
_
What, you think he wanted a peek at your hairy stash?
You know what, bitch? At least my tits are real.
You wanna play like that, Chewbacca? Because l will rip that hair right off you.
Guys, chill out, really.
Well, there was someone there.
lt was me.
l needed to take a piss. l walked past your tent.
That's bullshit.
_
lt's late. Everyone's tired.
Come on, lads, make up.
Fuck you. Eat me.
Get away from me.
Listen, Lisa, it wasn't me.
Oh, yeah? Well, who else was it, then?
Come on, are you serious?
l'm so sick of this.
Our bickering, the mood swings when you go on those stupid steroids
and the fights and your pimply ass.
And most of all your perverted 'behaviour.
Okay. We'll start doing it from the front.
Are you leaving or am l?
Fuck!
You know, you're not so hot yourself.
What? You fart in your sleep.
No, l don't.
Asshole.
Douchebag.
Tara?
You okay?
Yeah.
Drowsy, like l got a concussion.
l knew something bad was gonna happen.
Those death's head shrooms are big juju.
You just need to get some rest.
l knew he was gonna get hurt.
You took the blame.
Yeah, anything for a quiet life.
You were here the whole time.
Yeah, l know.
l think people got a little freaked from the ghost story.
_
lt was iust a story.
Can't kid a kidder.
The death's head fungi. The death's head fungi.
The gift of premonition.
l knew you were gonna come.
lt's an abandoned house.
Strange things go on up here around shroom season.
PeopIe going missing.
Never accounted for.
It's said they're meant to haunt the woods around here.
_t was just a story.
Holy shit.
Fuck.
Bluto.
Hey, come back.
Hello?
Well, well, well.
You can talk.
That's because you're out of your mind.
You see a girl?
She went thataway.
Thanks. Wouldn't do that if l were you.
Why not?
You know you're fucked.
Yes, l know.
l mean, dead fucked.
Yeah, but you're iust a fucking cow.
A fucking cow that can fucking talk.
l gotta go. Yeah.
Bye-bye.
Where you at, bitch?
Hello? Hello?
Ooh! Doggers.
Hey, hey, hey!
Let me in, let me in. Come on!
Give me some.
Okay.
No. You need more than that for what l got, baby.
See that?
Yeah, that's what l'm talking about. Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God. Yeah.
Yeah, baby girl.
Oh, it's so soft and wet.
What the fuck?
Hey.
Who's there?
l'm sorry.
Bluto?
Bluto!
You can talk.
Yeah, but you're just a fucking cow.
Bluto.
We need to get back.
Where? To Lisa.
Yeah. To Lisa.
You're tripping. It's not safe.
Cows can't talk.
No, cows can't talk.
Relax.
Yeah.
Relax. No.
You relax. Now sleep.
l want his balls in a sling.
Bluto!
He must have snuck out again.
That freak was talking to a cow?
He was tripping out of his mind.
He's so dead.
Hey, asshole, this isn't funny.
He's out of it. He's playing games.
Look, l know you're pissed, okay?
But we gotta find him.
Let him come down.
Then you can kick his ass.
Fine.
Bluto!
Sh h ! Listen .
That's probably the guys. Let's go back.
l don't wanna miss out on the fun.
Yes.
You were right, bro. These shrooms, they're incredible.
ls Bluto back?
No, we thought he was with you.
You want some breakfast?
A liquid, visual breakfast.
l can't believe you guys started without us.
l wanna find him.
l had a dream. Something bad happened to him.
lt was iust a dream.
Or a trip.
Something really shitty could have happened to Bluto.
Well, shit happens.
Honey, iust find your neutral space.
l mean, Bluto's not in anyone's good books today.
He took most of the shrooms.
Look what he did to my hair.
l think it suits you.
Oh, do you? Yeah.
Do you think it suits me, do you? Yeah.
Give me some of that.
Lisa, what are you doing?
There's nothing else to do.
Fuck him, girl. He's an asshole.
Oh, this is great.
l'd accounted for six people.
So it's my conclusion Bluto's having force 1 O visual hallucinations.
l don't think he's emotionally equipped for that.
Look at these. Jesus, it gets better.
Will you listen to me now?
We've got the cell phones in the car. We could call somebody.
He took the phones.
What a dickface.
What if there's an emergency?
Guess we're fucked.
So you know it wasn't me outside your tent last night?
l don't think it was Bluto either, though.
l mean, he's a prick,
but l feel like if he did something like that, you know,
he would have bragged about it.
Well, if it wasn't me and it wasn't him, who was it?
That's the question, isn't it?
You know, it's probably those inbred goat herders from yesterday.
Yeah.
Bluto!
We're walking in circles.
_
l don't know.
Oh, sugar.
Wrong shoes.
Shut up.
Bluto!
There's somebody there.
Hello?
Where? l don't see anything.
They're right over there. Hello?
lt's coming. It's coming.
lt's coming! Run!
Let's go, let's go. What?
What is it? What did you see?
Tara!
What did you see?
Are we tripping that hard?
l don't know.
Don't tell me it's some crazy backwoodsman or something, Tara.
lt wasn't.
What, you know? Who is it?
l'm not sure,
but he was in all black.
And he was from the dream l had.
ln a dream?
You have us nearly having cardiacs
because of something you saw in a dream?
That killed Bluto.
Tara, that's fucked up.
We need to get out of here.
l wish l hadn't taken those shrooms.
Tara.
You asked, Lisa.
You said he was dead. In the dream.
You're freaking me out.
Look, l overdosed on the heroin of shrooms.
l don't know what's going on in my head.
What's real and what's not.
But l'm seeing things before they happen.
What do you mean?
l want this to stop.
_
because Bluto stole our fucking cell phones!
You see this frog cum?
This is trippy as shit, man.
Tara.
You're gonna need a sniffer dog to find anybody out here, man.
They have to be close.
Bluto!
You hear that? Yeah.
Bluto.
My feet are killing me.
Dolce & Gabbana are hardly adequate outdoor footwear.
Well, maybe if you took better care of yourself,
your boyfriend wouldn't have to check me out every time you turn your back.
ls anybody there?
Could you please help me?
Someone's trying to kill me.
You'd better come in, so...
Do you have a phone?
We do, aye.
Fine chassis.
Bodywork is all there, Ernie. Will you ever give over?
He's not right in the head, sweetheart.
Phone is there.
Room in the boot too l'd say, Ernie.
Fucking bananas, that man.
lt doesn't work.
You asked did we have a phone.
You never asked did it work.
Caught her there, Ernie.
So is there no contact?
There's a tractor.
Didn't he go and fuck the gearbox in her and all?
Please, l've taken stuff.
Someone's trying to kill me.
Hon, never worry about that.
We've taken stuff too. Look around you.
The mushies.
Powerful gear.
Keeps you young. Fills the bag.
Taking them now since we were at the bad boys' home.
You were at that home? Aye.
We were wild cubs, SO We Were.
Ma used to have to lock us up with the pigs.
Until this fella here started interfering with them.
Not me.
The only weakness l would have now is for a bull calf tied to a gate.
Lovely tongue on a bull calf.
Like sandpaper.
Say, she have a nice tongue, Ernie.
A man all in black.
That be the Black Brother.
But he's not real. But it's happening.
_
Could be worse. Could be that fuckwit of a twin.
Or it could be-- Bernie.
Keep your powder dry, boy.
Do you have a bathroom?
Yeah.
ln back there.
Get back.
You bad dog!
Get me an axe.
Get down.
Not yet. Get down.
Tara!
One survivor was found.
This feraI kid who lived with the dogs.
Bernie, feet, feet, feet.
Troy!
Why are you screaming? There's nobody here.
Holly, Holly!
Holly, Holly--
So you and Tara, man. You balling her?
No, man. She's a sweetheart.
Well, she was so pissed when she found
all five of us were gonna make this trip out here.
_
Dude, seriously, you're making me paranoid.
Come on, she wants your nuts.
Troy.
That's Holly. No, it sounded like Tara.
Troy.
Jake.
Seriously, guys, this is not funny.
This is a trip, man, right? This is a trip.
This is what happens? Yeah, let's go, fuck this.
_
Ah! Troy.
Let's go. Come on.
_
Oh, my God.
Did you find Holly? No.
But l found this.
Oh, my God.
There's something out there. There's something evil.
l think Jake's stories are real. This can't be happening.
What about Bluto?
Lisa, we have to find her.
Tara.
Jake. Go to the house.
No, wait for us.
There's a road near there. We can get help from there.
We have to find Holly.
l can't hear you. Meet us at the house.
Okay, we gotta go.
We can't leave Holly. l can.
l've got a feeling-- This feeling has us in shit creek.
Lisa, it's true. She's around here, l can feel it.
Okay, if it's the truth,
what happens next?
See? You didn't see that coming.
Tara?
Oh, my God. Tara?
Why are you screaming? There's nobody here.
Tara!
Where's he gone?
Holly, you wouldn't want to rile him, now he has your scent.
You shouldn't have let him loose. Easy now.
Are you okay?
You were at that school.
Oh, God, you poor thing.
l have candy.
Here.
lt's okay.
Come on.
l iust wanna be your friend.
What happens next?
Are you okay?
You scared the shit out of me.
Did you see anything?
Holly?
Holly's dead.
No, she can't be.
Look over there, in the water.
There's an axe here.
lt was in the dream.
Look over by the rope.
How did you know that?
l told you, it was in the dream l had.
Who's next?
Me?
No.
l am.
No, Lisa.
l'm sorry, Tara. l'm frightened--
No, Lisa. Don't leave me here.
Lisa!
Lisa! Please come back.
Jake.
Troy.
Jake.
Jake?
Troy?
Jake?
ls it the girls?
l don't know. We can't take a chance, come on.
We wait till we see them.
Look at me.
lf we do this together, we can make it out of here.
Come on.
Shh.
lt's here.
l can feel it.
Wait here.
l love you, Tara.
Another one over here.
Did you get a shot of that glove compartment?
l've got him.
lt's not him.
He's not the one.
Nasty gash you've got there.
Just gonna clean that up.
l hit a branch.
Now, don't worry.
lt won't be long now before you're in the hospital.
Rule number one, no mobile phones.
Bluto stole our fucking cell phones.
Oh, fuck, Tara. l can help you, you have to trust me.
Not me.
How would you like that done to you? You're fucked.
l mean dead fucked.
She was pissed when she found out all five of us were gonna make this trip.
Dude, seriously, you're making me paranoid.
Ow!
How did you know that? l put it there.
Bitch!
l iust wanna be your friend.
No, please. l love you, Jake.
l love you too, Tara.
My wife's American.
Both our kids were born there too.
We're thinking of moving back.
She's got family there, you know.
Please, can you help me? It won't be long now.